The Best Two Years

On a Friday night with Mrs. 'Hat Rack out of town, and the kids asleep, I found myself watching The Best Two Years on BYU TV. Outside of Utah and a certain religion's meeting houses, no one will have ever heard of this movie. It's a (not particularly funnny) comedy about four LDS missionaries' experiences during their two-year service stint in Netherlands.

Knowing Mormons who have served in exotic locales like London, Houston, Pittsburgh and Mexico City, just to name a few, the "inside" jokes weren't so foreign to me and the look at four individuals' trials and tribulations kept my interest for a little while before I fell asleep. (Falling asleep watching movies is one of my trademarks - whether it's an Oscar winner or the worst "Mormon cinema".) Even though I liked some of the music.

Anyways, we awaken today to a full-color photo of Mitt Romney (is he Mormon? really?), the presidential candidate in prayer - comprising 2/3 of the front page of the Salt Lake Tribune's Religion section. There's also a story about a book on faith and presidential candidates, and a (much funnier than the movie) column by satirist Robert Kirby on his revealing encounter with a non-LDS couple that actually likes living in Utah. For what it's worth, there's also a story about a woman suing British Airways, which won't allow her to wear a simple Christian cross on her necklace while working.

It's just another week in the most comprehensive theocracy in America, aka Utah. Say what you want about the Bible Belt, Utah is obsessed with religion, which seeps into our everyday existence like NOWHERE I have ever been. In fact, my attempts to compare Utah to Israel have been shot down by Jews, who say their secular state is not so culturally infused with its religion as Utah. But I'll leave that debate for someone more scholarly than me. Especially since I've never been to Israel.

Back to Mitt. I knew the story would soon be told about the presidential candidate who was once church bishop. The rest of America has a hard time with this, I think. How can a greedy, uber-Capitalist from Bain Capital have a softer side that counseled real people about real problems like, "I want an abortion", "I'm a poor French-speaking immigrant from Haiti trying to make it in America" (both real from the article) or "church interferes with my kids' nap schedule" (I made this one up). The rest of America doesn't understand this. We think parishes should be run by feeble old men who lived in a monastery, clean-cut men who attended Notre Dame or studious young men and women (gasp!?) who immersed themselves in seminary. But not by Wall Street capitalists. It's as if the rest of us think that spiritual compassion is incompatible with money-grubbing capitalism. Mormons don't make this distinction. From my observation, it appears that the more successful a capitalist you are, the more likely you are to be called to service of your ward or stake. Catholic parishs have priests. LDS wards have CEO's. That's how I see it.

Anyways, I'm certainly not claiming "holier than thou" or pretending to be an expert on these things. Rather, I guess I feel like I've been here long enough to make these observations. Like, do we need a 2/3-page photo of "thoughtful" Mitt? Is that more important than 2/3 of page on Mitt's policies? Mitt's flip-flops? Why Mitt has more political experience than the Chicago Kid, Barack? How about 2/3 of a page tomorrow on the "worst air quality in America" that will descend on Salt Lake tomorrow now that the snowstorms have abated? Or 2/3 of page on how a Delta-United merger could cause an economic recession in Utah? I give up.

In summary, the best paragraph in today's Religion section (and I give the paper credit for its comprehensive coverage of faith - it reflects Utah well) comes from the book review on faith and presidential politics.

"My reading of American religious history is that religion always functions best from the margins of society and not in the councils of power," Balmer writes. "Once you identify the faith with a particular candidate or party with the ultimate quest for political influence, ultimately it is the faith that suffers."

Add, "And the candidate," I would say.

Gotta go find The Best Two Years On Demand. I have to find out if one guy got the girl. If another got the conversion. And if the third one became president of Bain Capital.